Aileen Rebecca Strong

july 19 2010

i truly believe we are most effective as Christians, as humans, when we show our flaws, when we let our gaurd down and let others see the weaknesses we bear and the things we've overcome. If we let our lives be testimonies, if we let them be lessons that others can learn from instead of things that we regret, stuff we are ashamed of.... then we just might be able to change the world! one story at a time.... with that said, here is my story!

April 2009

this last year was very trying for me. i made some choices that lead me down a path i never intended to travel,
and on that path i encountered things that i had purposefully avoided my whole life. trusted friends caused me to doubt
what i knew to be true and then in the face of temptation, i bowed and crumpled and was starting to turn into someone i
did not recongize.

i started to question the certianty that had always accompanied my faith and search for security among those who were around me.
but then i realized that they had NO faith, no freedom, no answers

step by step i've gotten back to the path i started on but i realize that in my detour i yanked out some of the support
beams of my seemingly solid foundation. and it's been a slow process- starting over and rebuilding the same walls again.
i still know all i did before God is my ROCK, my SALVATION, my EVERYTHING and i feel that my faith in some ways is stronger
than it ever was before but in light of my new found weaknesses i have to alter the way i go about some things.

so if it seems that i have become distant or anti-social, know that this is not the case- i just need to avoid any situation
that might allow me the oppertunity to face this same temptation.

i know i can't just go my whole life avoiding places, people,
conversations and situations that might lead to this or that but in this moment i have to gather my strength and keep my distance.

if i am to become the woman of God that i aim to be i have to activly pursue the things that will bring me closer to him, and
further from the girl the world would have me be.

though this journey was unintended and a stumble in the direction away from God and his presence- i don't regret a moment of it.
regret is a mistake that you don't learn from. and i see this as an awsome oppertunity to learn a lesson that i might not have
had the chance to learn otherwise- and reconsiled to God, he can teach me how to use what i've learned as a testimony
that i might be able to reach more people with his love.

God Bless
--aileen

My heart goes out to girls of all ages who struggle with low self esteem- cause for such a huge part of my life that's where i was- now on the other side of the issue i see how loved i was and how stupid my own perseption of myself was- how many years i wasted hating myself instead of discovering all the treasures God hid inside me.

she (the short version of my testimony)

she was born into a loving family- a Christian family.
she had parents who loved her and loved each other.
she asked Jesus into her heart at age 7.

she had two bibles, knew all the stories and songs,
but as she grew up...
she hated who she was.
she hated the way she walked
she hated the way she talked
she hated her skin and hair, her name and everything else about her
she longed to disappear

she wondered, how a mighty God could love one such as her.
she wondered often if he even existed.
she wondered what would happen if she died to find out he didn't exist.
she thought of death a lot.
she got real sick.
she had a lot of pain and lost alot of weight, which made them make fun of her even more.
she got tested and retested for a year and finally
she was diagnosed with a disease.
she wouldn't die from it but it would change her life
she'd have to think about it for the rest of her life, every day, every time she ate.

now more than ever she doubted Gods existence.

she got real good at blending in to the crowd.
she wanted more than anything to make all the pain go away but didn't know how.
all the while
she still spent her summers at bible camp and her Sundays in church, singing the songs she couldn't believe.
she always had a smile on her face so no-one would suspect.
til one night
they gathered around her
as so many had before
they layed their hands on her and prayed to that God who said he loved her.
she went home.
she had been healed.

days past.
weeks.
still not getting sick.
she got retested and ...after 3 years... it was gone.
this disease that has no cure, that stays with you for the rest of your life... gone.
in that moment.
in that instant.
in that dark kitchen as she sat on the counter with all the hope she could muster in her.
her doubt melted away.
she found her value and her worth in one simple truth.
He is real
She felt his touch
and she (aileen) will never doubt God again.